Child’s Play

2001
For the first time in my life I was living on my own. My pleasant flat on Chesham - chess'm, as the locals pronounced it, source of the river Chess, looked out at road level to the rear and second floor to the front - typical for the Chiltern Hills. My sporty little Suzuki Swift - I loved that car - was parked at the rear while I fitted a new blade to the windscreen wiper arm. We had a wonderful car-parts shop where there was always time for advice...

The same could be said for the ironmongery in the town. Add this advice to the sort of tips you might find on the car radio - Woman's Hour, in particular, and you have a song.

Chorus

The man in the shop said “It’s easy

Easy, so easy

The man in the shop said its easy

Easy as A B C”

Verse 1

Have you ever mended a windscreen-wiper blade?

Oh the man it the car-shop said “Easy

Slip the old one out, slide the new one in

If it’s too long just snip off the end

Throw the little bit into the bin”

Oh the man…

Verse 2

And… Woman’s Hour, tells us how to fit a roller blind

Oh the radio lady said “Easy”

Measure from the middle then mark it out

Drill your holes, put the wall-plugs in

You can have it all done before tea”

Oh the man…

Verse 3

They were extolling the virtues of a pressure-cooker

Oh the girl in the store said “It’s easy

Chop your veg. put it in the pot

Secure the lid and switch it on

You’ll have a supper that’s fit for a King”

Oh the man…

Verse 4

Have you ever loaded a computer programme?

Oh the boy on the Hep-line said “Easy

The software’s new, so simple to do

Just put in the disk and let it run

Soon you’ll be surfing the net”

Oh the man…

Verse 5

Let’s face it… it’s child’s play

Oh the man in the shop said “It’s easy

Yes Sir you can do it… nothing to it

My daughter age nine, she does it all the time

Been doing it since she was three!”

Yes the man…